Had a wonderful night with the girls. Tapas is a great invention. And Corona. Maybe the only really nice light bear.
A lot of crazy discussions. Lisa was hungover and kept her mouth shut and Kristin drewled at the handball players on tv.

Feeling more distant than ever but telling myself it's a good thing. If I need space I also need to give space. Would be nice with a sweet word or two though. To know you're still there. Wondering what's going on in that sweet head of yours, hoping you're not pushing me away as a reaction to all these changes. Miss you like crazy.
In a neutral mood, neither happy nor sad. More like... deep in thoughts. Concerned about us. Most likely thinking too much. Registering every little tiny detail out of insecurity, trying to figure out the situation. Without any success.

I love you.

Little by little I'm letting out my breath. Relaxing my muscles, letting down my guard. These past two days seem to have changed us, taught us something. Actually, taught us quite a lot. I feel sore and battered, in need of gentle touches and friendly faces. In desperate need for a long, calm period without any drama. So tired of conflicts. But even if I'm very cautious, I feel hopeful for the future. I WANT a future for us so bad.

I can literally see you flexing your muscles, showing both yourself and me how strong you can really be, and how you are willing to deal with the situation. I admire you for that. For me it's an unusual situation, for once it's out of my hands. I have to wait, I can't do anything to fix the situation. I can stand by your side, and I will do just that, I will support you as much as I can through all this. But I can't do anything but keep passive, and it's both unnerving and pleasant.

For once it's ME who aches for your arms, who feels time moves too slow. And to me, that's a positive thing. It's a sign of how much I want you, and it's a start towards us becoming equals with equal power over this relationship. Don't think I want TOO much space though.  

I love you with all my heart.

to me it's like a waterfall
a twinkling
splattering
bubbling
laughing waterfall

I want to stand underneath
let the water splash
against my forehead
against my skin
Give me shills
give me bruces

I want to stand underneath
bend my head backwards
and let the water stream
into my mouth
and swallow

I want the waterfall
to fill my whole being
to play wildly around my bloodstream
I want the water to crash
against my skeleton

I let the waterfall
knock me over
I hit the surface 
facing the sky
Away with the stream I float
Away, surrounded and filled
with the twinkling
splattering
bubbling
laughing waterfall